Friday, March 30, 2012

When applying for a job at the store, and here at the outset we must state categorically that there are no vacancies nor do we anticipate that eventuality, please do not send a letter reflecting an absence of knowledge of how we operate as you recite technical abilities of no use to us, however much other commercial enterprises may find them of great service and see in you a potential for exploitation which we don't now nor will we ever, but thanks for asking. Furthermore, phone calls which open with "Hey, you guys hiring?" will be ridiculed and satirized here on the blog in sentences similar to that which you now read. Every treasured and beloved employee began life here as a customer or bf of a bf. So it goes here as it does in much of the cold, cruel world beyond our friendly confines. Somewhere in Shakespeare you can find a diagram for a successful courtship. Dickens, on the other hand, is rife with examples of bad ideas and dumb plans. Thus does literature inform our lives and prepare us for the world. Our best wishes to you as you pursue success or even just a modest form of comfortable survival, which latter, should you prevail, would put you somewhere in the top five percent, historically, so don't knock it.

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